A Girls Guide to Choosing the Right Friends
Choosing friends isn’t random. It might feel like it just happens, but the people you keep close shape your confidence, your habits, your standards, even the way you see yourself when no one’s there to watch.
One quote I always think of when it comes to any kind of relationship is “we accept the love we think we deserve” and I think the same applies to friendships. Misery loves company and I know what it’s like to be surrounded by the wrong types of friends.
So here’s how to actually choose the right people, not just the convenient ones.
1. Don’t be afraid to be alone
In order to choose the right people for you, you must be fully comfortable and content with your own company. Being alone is a thousand times better than being with a group of people that secretly hate you. Try to remember that other people’s perception of you is not who you truly are. The kind of people that may judge you (or other people) for being sat alone at lunch, or not wearing the trendiest shoes are not the kind of friends you want to keep around.
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2. Surround yourself with people you want to be like
Your circle influences your habits, your mindset, your standards. Naturally, the people we spend most of our time with are the people you’re most likely to inherit traits from. If you notice yourself admiring how confident, kind, or giving someone is, spend more time with that person! Your energy is so sacred and if you’re surrounded by negative people all of the time, you will unfortunately be dragged down with them. If you want to be more confident, start sitting with the loud and outgoing types. If you want to be more mysterious maybe spend some more time with the quieter and reserved individuals. The right friends: encourage your best self, motivate you to grow and support your goals.
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3. Notice how they talk about other people
If someone constantly gossips, criticizes, or tears others down, you’re not the exception, you’re just not the topic yet.
Choose friends who are kind when it’s not necessary.
That’s real strength and loyalty.
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4. Make sure there’s no quiet competition
I personally noticed this a lot in my past friendship groups, and it’s hard to confront them about it because there’s no physical proof. However, you should never feel like you’re in a silent race with your own friends. The right friendships don’t gravitate to comparing looks, comparing attention or comparing achievements. But instead, they move more towards mutual support. Like you’re both winning, in different ways, at the same time. Everyone has their own personal goals and future plans, just embrace your own instead of focusing on the people around you!
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5. Choose people who respect your boundaries
If you say no, change plans, need space, or express a feeling, the right people respect it.
They don’t guilt you.
They don’t pressure you.
They don’t make you feel difficult for having limits.
Respect is a non negotiable.
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6. Accept that not everyone is meant to stay
Outgrowing people is part of becoming who you’re meant to be.
You don’t need a dramatic ending.
Sometimes you just choose differently moving forward.
Letting go doesn’t make you a bad person, it just shows that you know your worth and you’d never settle for anything that isn’t pushing you to your highest most authentic self.
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7. Final rule: choose alignment over history
Just because you’ve known someone for a long time doesn’t mean they’re right for the person you’re becoming.
Choose people who match your future, not just your past. There’s no need to stick around with someone if you don’t feel that initial spark with. If you feel like you’re moving on, that’s completely valid and you deserve to be around people you’d want your highest self to stick with.
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Remember that:
The right friends won’t confuse you.
They won’t dim you.
They won’t make you question your value.
The real friends will feel easy, supportive, and real
And once you build a circle like that…
everything in your life starts to glow a little differently
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17 Responses
Thankyou soo much this is so helpful
Of course!! so glad I could help
of course angel !
I love this article!! I need some advice, in the past couple months Ive became friends with these groups of girls, but they are kinda really toxic. One of them pretended to set me up with this guy to embarrass me, one of them is my super toxic, (like alwaysss shittalking) ex best friend, and the other one, (ive been going through a tough time lately and when I get stressed/sad I get quiet) will get super mad at me when im quiet and tells me she “doesn’t know what to do with me” and “If it goes on any longer we can’t be friends” so ya idrk what to do because I know they dont make me feel good about myself but also I really dont want to go back to being a loner with no friends.
Hey angel, I’ve just read this and I’m so sorry to hear that.. I’ve been in a really similar situation and those girls are not your friends. They’re treating you like an inside joke and it’s not okay at all. It may take being alone for a while, and I know it’s scary but your self worth is so much more important than trying to “fit in” with girls that are really nasty people. If they don’t make you feel good, that’s your body warning you to stay far, far away. My advice is to confront them first and explain how they’re making you feel, if they don’t apologise or own up to their mistakes I really think you should cut them off. After that, try talking to people that seem really nice/other people you genuinly want to be friends with. You are not alone and you are so loved
this is amaz thank youuu
HI! I loved this, but I need some personal help for this, my group, one relates to me so much but makes racist jokes, calls me a slave, peer pressures me, even makes fun of how I dress. One makes fun of my stutter and never stops even after getting told to stop. I feel too attached to them what do I do??
Hey angel, they’re not your friends and you are worth so much more than how they’re making you feel. I know it’s not easy but I think you know what to do, even if you’re scared to act on it. Comfort is the thief of joy and no matter how attatched you are to them, you would without a doubt feel better alone. My advice is to distance yourself from them and find a new group of people that makes you feel supported and cared for because that’s what you deserve. Never settle and give your time away to people that don’t appreciate you. Even if it takes being alone for a little while, that loneliness is infinitely better than being constantly harassed by them.
Love this💗💗thank you so much, I’m currently struggling with this
backstory: my friend group is very close and very loyal (so I thought) but there was a recent incident with someone I liked and my friend.
hi! I loved this so much, but I really need some advice on if I should still be friends with this girl. So it was my birthday and I had a sleepover with said friend group and I was otp with the person I like, but while we were otp one of my friends and the person I liked were texting and saying they love each other etc, I then found out from a friend we both share that they were flirting and talking behind my back. I suppressed the issue and didn’t really talk about it and so we are still friends and now im dating that person, Im not sure if I made the right decision to still be friends and start dating that person (since we weren’t dating when the whole texting thing was happened) or if I now made myself look bad?
Hey gorgeous!
While I’m not saying to break up and stay with the friend because I believe that is something you should think yourself, please be careful because if they were flirting it is possible they still might be doing so without you knowing. My suggestion would be to cut ties with the friend and bf, and I know you might be scared to because you may feel alone, but trust me it will benefit your space and you won’t have to worry about the girl talking mess about you behind your back.
Hugs, XOXO
I wish I saw this a year ago! I joined online school due to bullying by the people who I so desperately wanted to be my friends, but instead I was their laughing stock because I can’t stand up for myself (I am still not the best but trying). Everyone on TikTok says that online school is so lonely, but I like it that way, I like being by myself. I have made a little group of friends from this online school who are super sweet and have been through the same things!!
a small group of true friends is infinitely better than a big group of fake ones!
OMG this was so helpful thank you for so much!
I love the being okay with being alone. I genuinely need alone time to be sane as a human being. And also when else would i get my pinterest and outfit planning time.
i needed this rn, thank you so much angel!!
it literally feels like getting advice from your older sister whenever i read this, i love it so much!!!🛍️