Everything You Need to Know Before Your First Relationship
There’s something magical about your first relationship.
You imagine the late night phone calls, sharing hoodies, holding hands for the first time, and having someone to text the second something exciting happens.
And while your first relationship can and should be exciting, it’s also a learning experience. No one gets everything right the first time, and that’s completely normal. Every relationship teaches you something, whether it lasts a few weeks, a few years, or simply helps you understand what you want (and don’t want) in the future.
So before Cupid strikes his arrow, here are a few things every girl should know.
Relationships Should Add to Your Life, Not Become Your Life
It’s easy to become completely wrapped up in someone new.
You want to spend every minute together, every notification makes your heart race, and suddenly your plans revolve around theirs. It’s a wonderful feeling, but it’s important to remember that your life doesn’t stop just because you’ve started enjoying it with someone else.
The healthiest relationships don’t replace your life, they become part of it so keep making plans with your friends, keep your hobbies, keep chasing your goals and most importantly, keep being you.
And a healthy relationship should also support the person you already are, not make you feel like you have to give up the things that make you happy. The right person won’t want you to shrink your world, they’ll be excited to see you thrive in it.
Avoid Confusing “Butterflies” with Anxiety
But here’s something people don’t talk about enough: healthy relationships usually feel safe (as they should).
Of course you’ll get nervous before a first date or overthink what to wear. That’s completely normal. Butterflies, excitement, and a few awkward moments are all part of getting to know someone.
What isn’t normal is constantly wondering:
“Do they actually like me?”
“Why haven’t they replied?”
“Did I do something wrong?”
If you’re spending more time feeling anxious than happy, it’s worth paying attention to how the relationship is making you feel.
A little excitement is part of falling for someone, constant confusion shouldn’t be. The right person won’t leave you guessing where you stand every single day.
Communication Is More Attractive Than Mind Games
Forget all those old dating “rules.”
You don’t have to wait exactly three hours to reply, you don’t need to pretend you’re less interested than you really are, and you don’t have to play hard to get.
For years, magazines, films, and even friends have shared advice about acting unavailable or making someone “chase” you. While a little mystery can seem exciting, healthy relationships don’t thrive on mixed signals or mind games.
The strongest relationships are built on honesty, kindness, and communication, not guessing games.
Being genuine will always be more attractive than trying to seem mysterious. The right person will appreciate you for who you are, not for how well you can hide your feelings.
Learn the Difference Between Red Flags and Imperfections
Nobody is perfect.
Yes, they might forget your favourite coffee order, be terrible at choosing films or even always arrive five minutes late.
Those are imperfections. Red flags are different.
They make you feel disrespected, unsafe, or constantly unhappy.
Some examples include:
- They make fun of you in a hurtful way.
- They try to control who you spend time with.
- They make you feel guilty for saying no.
- They apologise but never change their behaviour.
- Backhanded Compliments
- History of Infidelity
- “Love Bombing”
Trust your instincts. If something consistently makes you feel uncomfortable, it’s worth paying attention to.
Green Flags Deserve More Attention
It’s easy to focus on warning signs, but knowing what healthy love looks like is just as important.
Green flags aren’t always grand romantic gestures or movie worthy moments. More commonly, they’re found in the little things someone does consistently that make you feel valued, respected, and secure.
Look for someone who:
- Is kind to everyone, not just you.
- Celebrates your achievements.
- Listens when you speak.
- Keeps their promises.
- Respects your boundaries.
- Makes you laugh.
- Makes you feel comfortable being yourself.
Those qualities might not seem dramatic, but they’re often the foundation of the happiest and healthiest relationships. A partner who treats you with kindness and consistency will always be endlessly more valuable than someone who keeps you guessing and left feeling unstable.
Don’t Measure Your Relationship by Social Media
It’s easy to compare your relationship to what you see on social media, especially when everyone’s feeds seem filled with surprise gifts, luxury holidays, and picture perfect dates. But what you see online is usually a carefully chosen highlight reel, not an accurate reflection of everyday life.
The strongest relationships usually happen when nobody else is watching. They are built through trust, respect, communication, and the small moments that rarely make it onto a screen, like supporting each other after a difficult day, sharing inside jokes, or simply enjoying each other’s company.
Remember, social media is a highlight reel, not the whole story. A relationship doesn’t have to look perfect online to be happy and meaningful in real life and the moments that matter most are often the ones that never get posted at all.
Your First Relationship Won’t Be Perfect
You’re both learning. There may be awkward conversations, misunderstandings, nervous first dates, and moments where neither of you knows exactly what to say. Sometimes there are silences that feel a little too long, texts that get overthought, or situations where you both assume something the other person never actually meant.
And that’s just part of growing together.
A good relationship isn’t about never making mistakes. If anything, mistakes help us learn and grow into better people for the future.
So instead, it’s about treating each other with respect while you figure things out. It’s about being willing to talk things through, apologise when needed, and not letting small bumps turn into something bigger than they need to be. Over time, those imperfect moments often become the ones that teach you the most about each other.
If It Doesn’t Last, It Wasn’t a Waste
One of the biggest fears people have before their first relationship is getting their heart broken. The truth is, not every first love becomes your forever love, and that’s okay.
Sometimes relationships end because you’ve both grown in different directions. Sometimes the timing isn’t right. Sometimes you simply realise you’re better as friends, or that you want different things from life than you did when you first met.
That doesn’t mean the relationship failed, it means it taught you something. You can walk away thinking about what you did well and what you could do better next time.
Every relationship helps you understand yourself a little better, from what makes you feel loved to the qualities you’ll look for in future partners. It also shows you how you communicate, what you need emotionally, and what kind of connection feels right for you.
Never Lose Yourself for Someone Else
The right relationship won’t ask you to change who you are, and that’s because who you are is beautiful and unique. If everyone was the same person with the same hobbies and the same outfit style, the world would be boring.
You shouldn’t feel like you have to dress differently, stop talking to your friends, give up your hobbies, or become a completely different person just to keep someone’s attention. You also shouldn’t feel like you’re constantly editing yourself or holding back parts of your personality just to avoid upsetting someone or losing them.
There will always be someone out there that would love you for you. So pretending to be someone else for someone who can’t even appreciate the real you, is taking away time from someone that would actually love you, and not the person you pretend you are.
31 Responses
I love this so much and its so important to talk about because in this day and age most teenagers think a talking stage is love and i hate that so much because i just want a genuine connection with someone and not just text them 24/7 and freak out when they dont reply. lowkey wish it could be like it was in the 2000s so people could actually go on normal dates rather than just snaps and texts
omg you get it. I feel like I was born in the wrong time. I get so anxious I can’t even get to the point to meet them. I wish it was easier to plan dates, its all like hangouts and two mans.
yeah exactly and like i sometimes i feel like im never gonna find love because the standard nowadays is something i really dont want.
excactlyyyyy im so glad I found someone who understands.
Aaaaa, I feel you. Like some girls are mad at me because I had to do something with a boy from my class. And I also need to sit next to him in classes. They thought I was stealing there friends boyfriend. And now a whole friend group is mad at me. And the worst part is that they shout my name when they see me. But a lot of my friends are friends with them and they are in the same hockey team…..
But luckily I now have summer break, but sadly they live in the same town…
girl this is so true, I don’t know but I wouldn’t want my main connection with someone to be on the phone, I hate how rare true meaningful real life conversations have become nowadays
realll like why are situationships a thing?
Aaaaa, I feel you. Like some girls are mad at me because I had to do something with a boy from my class. And I also need to sit next to him in classes. They thought I was stealing there friends boyfriend. And now a whole friend group is mad at me. And the worst part is that they shout my name when they see me. But a lot of my friends are friends with them and they are in the same hockey team…..
But luckily I now have summer break, but sadly they live in the same town…
EXACTLYY
you get it
Thank you so much for this. The way you explain everything is so well written. Literally came right when I needed it
of course!! soso glad i could help!
is this a sign???
Yesss absolutely!!!
does that mean that your first relationship probably wont be the one that lasts forever
you articulate things so nicely! and i completely agree with everything you’re saying, i’m currently in my first ever relationship of 8 months and have learned these things the hard way. love is so much more than what this generation dumbs it down to, its messy and beautiful, its much more than a “3 month rule” or “getting flowers every month” its about knowing and loving someone in their rawest form. and i think that you said it exactly the way that it needs to be said!
I fear fate has struck again. I just started talking to a guy after being single for a good 2 years. Should i take this as a sign? xx
Yesss girl, go for it 🤍
yesss! if you like him you should go for it
i don’t know tho, he seems so innocent with everything that he does. which in a way makes him absolutely adorable!! but it just seems so scary to get back into dating you know. i wonder if i even know myself well enough to open myself up to someone else again. and all my friends just say to go for it. i fear they might not get it. they just want us to all have boyfriends!
love this!!!
never ever forget that they should be pouring into you as much as you pour into them. sometimes that shows up in different ways, sometimes there will be bumps in the road or hard times, but the love should always remain.
also, don’t feel like every relationship has to be obviously forever for you to enter it! let life take its course— if that’s where life will take you, then that’s beautiful, but don’t feel like you need to see the whole picture to enjoy the moment.
xx
omg this is amazing!! and the thing is like I know im cute and beautiful but like it is so hard to find a genuine person like no matter how they present themselves or how good they may seem it always leads to lust.
i love this so much! made me really reflect on what my first love felt like
im getting fomo, im 17, all my friends have boy dramas but i have never had my first kiss :/// it sucksss
im 22 and i had my first kiss at 17 and everyone had theres at 12, dont worry your time will come! theres plenty of girls at 22 who havent had their first kiss.
Not literally same, I just turned 17 and I feel like I’m so behind. I’ve never had a boyfriend or first kiss. I hope you find your prince charming angel!
There was this boy that was interested in me. He was literally PERFECT. He listened to my favourite music, searched up my fav shows just to talk with me about it and he actually listened to me and the stuff i loved to talk about. I love going for Walks so this was what wie did together for the first date. He even brought me a gift from his vacation. But i felt nothing for him wich makes me feel so guilty since such a boy is so rare. I ask myself was it realy the right to stop talking to him??
Always, and I mean always listen to how you feel. If you don’t feel that romantic connection, perhaps you were meant to just be friends and that is just as beautiful of a commitment. Be open with him and tell him how you feel, and see where it goes from there!!
This is so helpful, thank you!!
I’ve had the worse breakups in my life I think this page would help a lot of other woman/girls with relationships I’m single and have been for awhile I always think they’re the one I always like the boys that want to become music artist because I do and I love music I love playing guitar music makes me feel alive and this one guy I followed him or he followed me around 2024 or 2023 we wouldn’t really talk I have him on snapchat and every other platform but our streak is 90 but anyways when we followed each other and everything turns out he is friends with my brothers wife’s sister and then I’d see him sometimes like at my brothers wedding and my sister n laws sister was like “this is your chance go talk to him” but I was so shy I didn’t know how to talk to him it was April 2025 and on snap we would talk about relationships and other things but right now he is stuck on his ex but she has a new man but he is really handsome and seems so understanding he has an amazing singing voice and the thing is he didn’t live far from me at all just down the road at my dad’s (my parents aren’t together) but I have acne and before I get in a realationship I would want my skin clear and I am very insecure sometimes but my skin is getting A LOT better then before but ily queens have a amazing year!