A Girls Guide to Choosing the Right Friends
Choosing friends isn’t random. It might feel like it just happens, but the people you keep close shape your confidence, your habits, your standards, even the way you see yourself when no one’s there to watch.
One quote I always think of when it comes to any kind of relationship is “we accept the love we think we deserve” and I think the same applies to friendships. Misery loves company and I know what it’s like to be surrounded by the wrong types of friends.
So here’s how to actually choose the right people, not just the convenient ones.
1. Don’t be afraid to be alone
In order to choose the right people for you, you must be fully comfortable and content with your own company. Being alone is a thousand times better than being with a group of people that secretly hate you.
Try to remember that other people’s perception of you is not who you truly are. The kind of people that may judge you (or other people) for being sat alone at lunch, or not wearing the trendiest shoes are not the kind of friends you want to keep around.
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2. Surround yourself with people you want to be like
Your circle influences your habits, your mindset, your standards. Naturally, the people we spend most of our time with are the people you’re most likely to inherit traits from. If you notice yourself admiring how confident, kind, or giving someone is, spend more time with that person!
Your energy is so sacred and if you’re surrounded by negative people all of the time, you will unfortunately be dragged down with them. If you want to be more confident, start sitting with the loud and outgoing types. If you want to be more mysterious maybe spend some more time with the quieter and reserved individuals.
The right friends: encourage your best self, motivate you to grow and support your goals.
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3. Notice how they talk about other people
If someone constantly gossips, criticizes, or tears others down, you’re not the exception, you’re just not the topic yet.
Choose friends who are kind when it’s not necessary.
That’s real strength and loyalty.
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4. Make sure there’s no quiet competition
I personally noticed this a lot in my past friendship groups, and it’s hard to confront them about it because there’s no physical proof. However, you should never feel like you’re in a silent race with your own friends.
The right friendships don’t gravitate to comparing looks, comparing attention or comparing achievements. But instead, they move more towards mutual support. Like you’re both winning, in different ways, at the same time.
Everyone has their own personal goals and future plans, just embrace your own instead of focusing on the people around you!
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5. Choose people who respect your boundaries
If you say no, change plans, need space, or express a feeling, the right people respect it.
They don’t guilt you.
They don’t pressure you.
They don’t make you feel difficult for having limits.
Respect is a non negotiable.
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6. Accept that not everyone is meant to stay
Outgrowing people is part of becoming who you’re meant to be.
You don’t need a dramatic ending.
Sometimes you just choose differently moving forward.
Letting go doesn’t make you a bad person, it just shows that you know your worth and you’d never settle for anything that isn’t pushing you to your highest most authentic self.
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7. Final rule: choose alignment over history
Just because you’ve known someone for a long time doesn’t mean they’re right for the person you’re becoming.
Choose people who match your future, not just your past. There’s no need to stick around with someone if you don’t feel that initial spark with. If you feel like you’re moving on, that’s completely valid and you deserve to be around people you’d want your highest self to stick with.
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Remember that:
The right friends won’t confuse you.
They won’t dim you.
They won’t make you question your value.
The real friends will feel easy, supportive, and real
And once you build a circle like that…
everything in your life starts to glow a little differently
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9 Responses
This really helped me!
im in the school bathroom reading this rn and it changed my mindset tyy
thankyou sm for this, i really needed it!!💕
as someone who was in the first situation where all my ‘friends’ secretly hated me (and i was very aware) being alone is so much better than that and so much less stressful, i never had anything to worry about
so if you’re in that situation, don’t worry about ‘having nobody’, just find somewhere to go that’s peaceful (if you’re in school) and do your own thing, and as long as you’re still going to lessons, you will find your people eventually
For anyone who is currently in that phase of having no friends, sitting alone at lunch etc, just know – theres bound to be other people in your school just like you, try to befriend them. And if you can’t, spend your time inbetween lessons reading, studying, listening to music, drawing, colouring – or just talk to the teachers and staff, remember you’re not going to be alone forever, and being alone doesn’t mean being lonely.
I recently ended a friendship with my best friend of seven years because I realized it was no longer healthy for me. I felt like she was constantly trying to change who I was while also trying to become me, and it left me feeling hurt and drained. After a lot of thought, I realized we just didn’t fit into each other’s lives anymore, and I didn’t want to keep holding onto a friendship that was hurting me.
I really needed to hear that. Thank u. I have a best friend since fourth grad I’m in seven grade now and I feel like not good with her. If u know what I’m saying. Like I hid things from her and if I actually felt comfortable with her I would have told her all of this.
omg PLEASEE do forst day of new school
This article about friendship literally helped me so much especially because I’m an introvert and I have really bad social anxiety and I’m an overthinker